Dreams of an Absolution
November 14, 2009. Saturday
theres one thing i keep hearing over and over again lately...:
"You are so real!"
I remember a conversation so clearly my sister and I had when I first came back to Utah from Louisiana. An absolute emotional disaster, barely able to drag myself out of bed without slumping to the floor in an abyiss of despair. What i thought was my being completly useless to the world, alone and broken, my sister gave me the crazy eye and told me this...: {excerpt from my journal:}
"Dan, what the fuck are you talking about? Everyone is so glad your home, they cant stop talking about you... because your not fake. your always there for anyone, and you listen to us no matter what we say. You make people feel so comfortable, your so nonjudgmental. You have so much inner beauty radiating from you, that people are drawn to you and want to be around you. You make us feel so loved and valued just by being our friend. You are so unique! No one in this world is like you! ...when they say you are "real", it means that your so above all the fake shit in the world. Your just you and you live your life to the fullest and your so true to yourself. It inspires all of us. Everyone loves you so much! You have no idea how much we all need you in our lives!"
At the same night of this conversation I had another friend of mine tell me I was an angel sent to her to help her through life.
And yet another, (we jump back to the present day now), i overheard saying: "Dude, I like Dani. She is like...so...so real!"
then of course theres this girl Natalie I work with, constantly showering me with praise at the office. Im pretty sure she must idolize me or something...(kidding Nat 
, i just wanted you honored on my website! 
)
I'm overwhelmed sometimes. Im just...me. what else is there to it? when i look into the mirror, i dont see something extraordinary. I'm just a girl who, in the words of a very thoughtful friend of mine, is to thine own self be true . Honest, genuine, forgiving (...ive actually been told forgivness is one of my flaws. that im too forgiving, which makes me weak.) and always, almost helplessly, willing to love deeply with nothing in return.
no more...no less. just me.
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